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Choo’s historical fact for today: On this day February 25, 2013

Choo's historical fact for today: On this day (Feb. 25th) in 1751 the first performing monkey was exhibited in America, New York City for an admission ticket of one penny.

Now, I must be honest with you and say straight out I have not been able to verify this. It is a little hard to do. However, I find it extremely difficult to believe this is the first monkey in the colonies (I did not say on exhibit) because they where prevalent within European courts for a couple of centuries.

For example; while the wife of the Viscount Beauchamp, nee Lady Catherine Grey was in the Tower of London from 1561 to 1563, her pet dogs and monkeys tore up the furniture.  This was very unwise because it belonged to her cousin Elizabeth I as the queen believed a prisoner of her stature should live in some sort of comfort.

Choo’s historical fact for today: On this day February 21, 2013

​Choo's historical fact for today: On this day (Feb. 21th) in 1173 the Archbishop of Canterbury Thomas Becket (1118-1170) was canonized by Pope Alexander III (c. 1100-1181).

Sigh. I have such a mixed view about this guy. He used to be a friend of Henry II (1133-1189) and as his Chancellor pursued the same policies of monetary extradition from the Roman Church as his monarch. Henry II was having "issues" with the Roman Catholic Church over who had the control over Church functions within England, King or Pope?

When Becket became Archbishop, Henry II thought he had his "man" holding the highest ecclesiastical position in England. Wrong. Becket became the opposite and became a defiant defender of Rome's power in England.

Eventually ( I am skipping many years as this is a short facebook post) Henry II was exacerbated and four of Henry II's knights went to "confront" the Archbishop. I put the quote marks around confront, because the intentions of the knights are not certain. On December 29, 1170 Becket was killed.

"Will no one rid me of this turbulent priest?" -Henry II- (Is this what he said that led the four knights to murder? No one really knows.)

Choo’s historical fact for today: On this day February 14, 2013

​Choo's historical fact for today: On this day (Feb. 14th) in 1689 Prince William III (1650-1702) and Princess Mary Stuart (1662-1694) were placed by the  English Parliament on the throne after the defeated James II (1633-1701) was forced to flee (with some help) to France.

Ah, the Glorious Revolution of 1688. Some say this was the turning point  in English history when the monarchy became truly constitutionalized.

Many within England were not pleased with James during his three year rule. In a nation that had established the Church of England under Henry VIII (1491-1547), James was openly Catholic and advocate religious toleration (Declaration of Indulgence) for his subject of said same denomination. The established Anglican Church was very powerful. He was also a proponent of the "Divine Right of Kings" and the English Parliament looked disfavorably on this view.

Remember, the monarchy was just restored a mere twenty-eight years before the Glorious Revolution. James held the same views  as his father King Charles I (1600-1649) who had tried desperately to rule without Parliament.  The result was catastrophic,  Charles I lost his head and the oppressive rule of Oliver Cromwell (1599-1658) lasted for ten years. Upon the restoration none of the fundamental issues leading  to the Civil War were solved. The Glorious Revolution was able to addressed some of them (the The Bill of Rights).

While all of this was wrangling on, James II and his new Catholic wife produced a male heir. James' previous heirs were his two Protestant daughters from his first marriage. Mary (1662-1694) his oldest daughter had married the Protestant  Prince of Orange, William (1650-1702). For many in England, the husband and wife seemed more appealing as sovereigns than the increasingly assertive and Catholic James.

In the short form, William and Mary 'assumed' the throne in 1689 after an invasion. They had no children and Mary's sister Anne (1665-1714) became queen after William's death in 1702.

As a side note, I used to live in Richmond right near Colonial Williamsburg, Virginia where the college of William and Mary is located. That town has the best peanut brittle. 

I Dr. Choo Parr El Terrible wrote this piece just to shut Matthew up for a day. I could care less about stupid human history. I am not amused.

Choo’s historical fact for today: On this day February 13, 2013

​Choo's historical fact for today: On this day (Feb. 13th) in 1566 St. Augustine was established in Florida.

The town, or should I say fort, was founded in the North Eastern Coast of what is now the state of Florida.

It has the distinction of being the oldest continuously held European-established town/city/base established by Europeans in the continental Unites States.

Notice the usage of the word "continental" because there are previous examples in Central and South American and the Caribbean.

I Dr. Choo Parr El Terrible wrote this piece just to shut Matthew up for a day. I could care less about stupid human history. They never tell it correctly.

Choo’s historical fact for today: February 12th 2013

​Choo's historical fact for today: On this day (Feb. 12th) in 1733 James Oglethorpe (1696-1785) founded Georgia at the current site of the city of Savannah.

Unfortunately, I am too tired to continue this fact of the day. I think it would be worth your while to read a little (whether good or bad) about Oglethorpe.

I Dr. Choo Parr El Terrible wrote this piece just to shut Matthew up for a day. I could care less about stupid human history. They never tell it correctly.

Choo’s historical fact for today: February 11th 2013

​Choo's historical fact for today: On this day (Feb. 11th) Elbridge Gerry (1744-1814) signed a redistricting bill . The then Governor of Massachusetts through his signature began within the United States the practice of "Gerrymandering."

"Gerrymandering" is extremely interesting, bizarre and politically self-serving for whatever political party is in power by redistricting voting districts. On the Federal level, the Unites States Congress every ten years is empowered to act upon this concept (based on that decade's census). Therefore, the latest redistricting of Congressional boundaries happened during the present 2011-2013 Congress based on the 2010 census.

Let us say you are the party in power. There is a natural desire to maintain power. Boundaries are drawn within states (for Federal election) where your Congressmen have the greatest chance to be re-elected or gain a seat. Folks, there are boundaries so strange that it boggles the mind.

Some suggest this practice enables a political party to remain in legislative power for many years.

I Dr. Choo Parr El Terrible wrote this piece just to shut Matthew up for a day. I could care less about stupid human history. They never tell it correctly.

Choo’s historical fact for today: February 10th 2013

​Choo's historical fact for today: On this day (Feb. 10th) 1226William IX, Duke of Aquitaine (1071-1226) died. Who was William IX? I am glad you asked.

The Duke was known as 'The Troubadour' and a poet. Actually those two things go together. In Aquitaine and parts of Southern France, Troubadouring (I invented that word) was all the rage in the various courts. In Northern France, Troubadouring was considered risque and not appropriate.

In addition, William XI took part in the Crusades. I would say he was involved not in the Second Crusade, but between that and the First Crusade.

For me, what is most important about William XI was his genealogical relationship to Eleanor of Aquitaine (1122-1204), that of great-great-great grandfather. All I can say about her right now is the following; many people bemoan the absence of powerful women during the Middle Ages. Stand amazed for this is a myth. Her life is fascinating and she quietly manipulated much influence.

I Dr. Choo Parr El Terrible wrote this piece just to shut Matthew up for a day. I could care less about stupid human history. They never tell it correctly.

Choo’s historical fact for today: On this day February 9, 2013

​Choo's historical fact for today: On  this day (Feb. 9th) Constantine XI Palaiologos (1404-1453) the last emperor of the Byzantine Empire was born.

A mere paragraph or two cannot even begin to describe all the important characteristics of the Byzantine Empire (basically a city that started out as Eastern seat of the Roman Empire and then the heir to Rome). Personally, I might suggest it was more "magnificent"  than its predecessor, Rome. It survived plagues, trade wars, conquering by the Latins (1204-1261) and constant battles with its neighbors for almost a thousand years.The city of Byzantine once was the store house of Christian icons and historical writings.(The Latins pillaged it in 1204. Actually the two lions in front of St. Marks in Venice were taking from the city.)  Its art work, buildings and wealth were un-rivaled in the Western world. There were times were the city had more than several million inhabitants.  Constantine XI had a great responsibility to try and save it.

By the time Constantine XI came around, the Byzantine Empire was just reduced to the city of Byzantine (Byzantium) and some outlining areas. Even its legendary "impregnable' walls could not save them from the final assault (siege) by the Ottoman Empire (the Ottomans used the recently introduced cannon).

Anyway, Constantine XI was emperor of this diminished empire from 1449-1453. He was from the house of Palaiologos  that had ruled since 1261. By some accounts, he was a decent ruler and good military leader. He actually died leading a last charge against the attacking Ottomans (well, being a romantic, that is the story I choose to believe.)

Constantine XI Palaiologos (1404-1453) the last emperor of the Byzantine Empire was born.

A mere paragraph or two cannot even begin to describe all the important characteristics of the Byzantine Empire (basically a city that started out as Eastern seat of the Roman Empire and then the heir to Rome). Personally, I might suggest it was more "magnificent"  than its predecessor, Rome. It survived plagues, trade wars, conquering by the Latins (1204-1261) and constant battles with its neighbors for almost a thousand years.The city of Byzantine once was the store house of Christian icons and historical writings.(The Latins pillaged it in 1204. Actually the two lions in front of St. Marks in Venice were taking from the city.)  Its art work, buildings and wealth were un-rivaled in the Western world. There were times were the city had more than several million inhabitants.  Constantine XI had a great responsibility to try and save it.

By the time Constantine XI came around, the Byzantine Empire was just reduced to the city of Byzantine (Byzantium) and some outlining areas. Even its legendary "impregnable' walls could not save them from the final assault (siege) by the Ottoman Empire (the Ottomans used the recently introduced cannon).

Anyway, Constantine XI was emperor of this diminished empire from 1449-1453. He was from the house of Palaiologos  that had ruled since 1261. By some accounts, he was a decent ruler and good military leader. He actually died leading a last charge against the attacking Ottomans (well, being a romantic, that is the story I choose to believe.)

​Choo’s historical fact for today: On this day February 8, 2013

​Choo's historical fact for today: On this day (Feb. 8th) in 1601 the 2nd Earl of Essex, Robert Devereux (1565-1601) and his men-in-arms entered into the city of London.

Ok, this was during the closing period of Elizabeth I's (1533-1603) reign when the elderly Queen began to lose some of her control over the warring factions within her court. The court struggle Elizabeth I faced boiled down to Robert Cecil  (1563-1612) and Essex. Robert Cecil was the son of William Cecil (1520-1598) who was a long serving and powerful statesman (and friend) of the Queen. Essex was the step-son of her true love 1st Earl of Leicester, Robert Dudley (1533-1588).

Essex had a deep hatred for Robert Cecil because he considered himself more entitled to be part of Elizabeth's government than the un-noble Cecil. It was a contentious time for the England because Elizabeth I had no direct heir (Elizabeth I's mother Anne Boleyn was his great-great-aunt.)

In 1599, Essex was appointed Lord Lieutenant of Ireland with the intent to end what was later to be named the Nine Years War. It was a disaster, he disobeyed the Queen's orders, overspend,endangered his troops lives, issued knighthoods without royal permission and meet with the Irish rebel Hugh O'Neill (1550-1616) and made a 'personal' truce. The truth is the Irish had just thrashed his army. Then things got ugly..

Before he entered London with a small force of men, from 1599 until on February 8, 1601 Essex did many things to gain the ire of Elizabeth. Whether it was a true coup or a power push, I do not know the correct term. Among other things, he claimed the Queen's advisers were Catholic sympathizers.

Now this is very interesting, the people of London really liked The Earl of Essex. Some say the love of the people for this man stayed the hand of Elizabeth for a long period of time before she was forced to lower the axe (also he was her favorite. Essentially he played the role of a troubadour.) But when Essex called to the people for their support no one came, they loved their queen much an much more.

Sigh, there is so much more I could write about. I will leave you with this, Even though some consider the Earl of Essex to be reasonably brave, he was arrogant, power hungry, intelligent, most unpleasant, greedy  and a blowhard. He over estimated his skills and attributes and listen to too many hanger-ons. He put this step-father to shame.

I Dr. Choo Parr El Terrible wrote this piece just to shut Matthew up for a day. I could care less about stupid human history. They never tell it correctly.

Choo’s historical fact for today: February 7th 2013

​Choo's historical fact for today: On this day (Feb. 7th) in 1831 the Constitution of Belgium was signed. The new state was to become a parliamentary constitutional monarchy with federal divisions. Yes, Belgium would evolve into a very complex state.

The area of what is now Belgium was

the stomping ground for many European powers over the centuries. After Napoleon's defeat and the Congress of Vienna (1815) the Belgium area was incorporated into the United Kingdom of the Netherlands. Here,  the various different groups, whether you call them Flemish, Walloons, French, Picard or German, chaffed under the Protestant Dutch King William I (1772-1843). In August of 1830, the Belgians revolted against the Dutch and won their independence.

The 1831 Belgian Constitution and

its subsequent revisions reflects the great difficulties of creating and maintaining a state where there are tremendous linguistic, historical,cultural, economic and political differences within its people. I have heard people say it was an area where everyone there was placed in a 'created' nation. In other words, leaders just drew borders and lumped in everybody together. You be the judge.

Do you know who was the first King of the Belgians? It was Leopold I (1790-1865), he was the uncle of Queen Victoria (1819-1901). In the early part of her reign, she sought his advice.

I Dr. Choo Parr El Terrible wrote this piece just to shut Matthew up for a day. I could care less about stupid human history. They never tell it correctly.

Dr. Choo’s Historical Lession for Feb. 6th

​Choo's historical fact for today: On this day (Feb. 6th) in 1576 King Henri III of Navarra (1553-1610), later Henry IV of France converts from the Huguenot religion to Catholicism. The Huguenots were French Protestants who basically followed the teachings of John Calvin.

Folks, if you want to stare into space in utter bewilderment, I suggest you try studying the ins and outs of inner-French religious conflicts/wars between Protestants and Catholics from the mid 16th up onto the Edict of Fontainebleau in 1685 (which made Protestantism illegal in France .)

During the 'Wars of French Religion' you had the house of Guise and Bourbon, Dukes and military leaders changing sides many times, regicide, massacres, nobility unrest, scorch-earth practices, foreign interference by neighboring countries and powerful 'Royal Favorites.' Ooops, I stand corrected, some of the 'Royal Favorites' were placed into power by domineering Dowager Queens. Take the wife of Henry II, Catherine de Medici (1519-1589), she oversaw four of her young sons ascend to the throne of France. But I digress...

Anyway, the leading French Huguenot, King Henry III of Navarra was the next in line to the French throne. On February 6th 1576, Henry issued his first renouncement of his Protestant religion. This was done not only to save his life but make him more acceptable by the vast majority of France in order to inherit the throne. Whether his heart was truly in it....??

Henry VI was assassinated by Catholic zealot by the name of Francois Ravaillac (1578-1610). His son Louis XIII (1601-1610) succeeded him. I am sure you know a little bit about Louis XIII, he was the King in "The Three Musketeers.'

I Dr. Choo Parr El Terrible wrote this under duress for I could care less about stupid human history. They never tell it correctly.

Ms. Nightbath’s Beef Obsession

​On Monday Ms. Lulu Nightbath of Iowa reported to local police she had sighted the mythical Chupacabra. Ms. Nightbath, a known carnivore extremist and sirloin hoarder, claimed the fictitious beast came up to her front door, made a rude gesture and flew away.

Jerry Snatcher, Ms. Nightbath's postman spoke with us in regard to this highly off-balanced lady. "Oh ya, Lulu is what we call around here 'unusual.'" He chuckled, "I guess if she was rich she would be what you call 'eccentric.' Anyway, one day I came around to deliver the mail and her entire herd of cattle was gone. Completely gone! I said 'Hey Lulu! Where did your cows go?' You know what she said? She said she sold them. She sold them! Ha, what a likely story. We all know she ate all fourteen of them in one night." Jerry sighed "Anyone who eats meat like that can never be relied on to tell the truth. Hell, anyone who eats meat every night should be...well...its just sad. Very sad. Poor evil old thing."

Police, while attempting to get a verification of Mr. Snatcher's story, found him in his bathroom dead. Apparently, the postman accidentally stabbed his brain twenty-one times while clipping his nose hairs with a pair of tweezers.

Dr. Ninee Munstir, our OSM expert on the meat eating habits of humans, gave us his most professional and never to be doubted observation. According to the good doctor, "You see when a human female enjoys eating meat for dinner every night she finds herself fantasizing about the ideal carnivore. Now you say 'Why not cats or eagles?' Well, they do not resemble a human. But the mythical and non-existent Chupacabra kind of does if you have an over acting imagination and look through squinted eyes." Dr. Mustir ponders, "Poor deranged human woman. The only way to cure her is a good keelhauling. Preferably with a school of sharks in the vicinity."

It is obvious to this reporter Ms. Nightbath is a delusional, brutal extreme cow eater and in no way spotted the non-existent Chupacabra. How very sad.

Update:

Police released the statement that the nose tweezers are still in working order and will be donated to the human nose haired challenged.

The Narcissistic Telemarketer

​Mr. James Licherbottom of Illinois filed a Chupacabra sightings report yesterday with the local police. According to the report, Mr. Licherbottom, a telephone telemarketer who sells extended car warranties, stated he spotted the mythical beast perched on the second floor ledge of the Cerpastore Building. The supposed incident occurred last Tuesday evening as he commuted home from work.

An unidentified work colleague of Mr. Licherbottom revealed to the Organization of Secret monsters (OSM) the following, "James is a workaholic and frankly annoying. It is true these qualities make him a great telephone telemarketer, but it also makes him a disreputable person. He is uber-narcissistic! Well you have to be in our business. I can say without a doubt, he made it all up. Yes sir, James is the best snake-oil salesman on the telephone today."

OSM learned Mr. Licherbottom's colleague died earlier this morning after accidentally hitting himself twelve times on the head with his mobile phone. Police have ruled it an accident.

According to human telephone telemarketer behaviorist Dr. Ian Crude, "people like Mr. Licherbottom are no longer able to tell the truth from their lies. Concocting things and saying half-truths over the telephone is their business, their passion, their reason for being. I am sure Mr. Licherbottom believed he saw a Chupacabra, when in fact he didn't." Dr. Crude continued, "It is just tragic. In my professional opinion Mr. Licherbottom should apologize to his community for his machinations and seek intensive therapy. He is a danger to himself and others."

OSM apologizes for wasting its readers time with this story.

The mobile phone has been placed in a leather carrying case to avoid future accidents.

Chain-smoking Witches Hate Dogs

​Last night Mr. Jonathan Rankathym of Missouri became another human victim of the Chupacabra sightings hysteria. In a statement filed with the local police last night Mr. Rankathym detailed his encounter with the mythical beast.

Mr. Rankathym, a notorious forty-year four pack-a-day smoker, stated he was outside polluting innocent people's air with his oppressive capitalistic cigarettes when he saw a five-foot tall "beast" with "gargoyle" wings. Upon approaching the monster, he noticed the beast killed his next door neighbor's dog, Fluffy. "There it was, suckin' the dog's blood right out," related Mr. Rankathym to our unbiased Organization of Secret Monsters (OSM) reporter. "Slurp, slurp, slurp. I tell ya he wasn't eatin' it, but suckin' the blood out. The mutt looked like a prune!"

Apparently after "encountering" this mythical monster, it flew away with its prey leaving no concrete evidence.

An unidentified neighbor recounted to OSM Mr. Rankathym's long, but undocumented rabid hatred toward dogs. "I believe he would say anything to cover-up his canine killing sprees. I don't trust him at all...he smokes you know?!" Upon OSM's attempt to double-check this unidentified neighbor's statement, we learned of her sudden and ghastly accidental demise after being attacked by a rose bush.

OSM contacted Dr. Fredrick Ooze, noted human tobacco consumption expert, about this interesting case. "Mr. Rankathym is another sad victim of Tobacco Dementia (TD)," explained Dr. Ooze. "It is common for heavy human cigarette smokers to suffer from monster illusions. You see, every human has a monster deep inside him and we know smoking causes one to hack up all sorts of interesting stuff. After a particularly nasty hack, humans can expel an image of their inner beast. Think of it as a movie where the projector is in the lung and the screen out there...somewhere. I can say without a doubt Mr. Rankathym's inner monster is a Chupacabra. This is a scientific fact."

It is the opinion of Dr. Ooze and the scientific community in general that Mr. Rankathym is a witch.

The rose bush was pardoned by the Governor.

The Nose Hairs of Mrs. Fisherwood

​New York resident Mrs. Della Fisherwood, 62, filed a report this morning with local authorities with regard to her questionable encounter with the mythical Chupacabra. According to her rambling statement, Mrs. Fisherwood was feeding her chickens when a giant winged creature flew overhead. The terribly nearsighted farmer claimed it was carrying off her neighbor's goat.

According to one source, Mrs. Fisherwood has a long history on lying about her age. Her eighth cousin twice removed told us she is actually 133 years old and the last Civil War pensioner in the United States. "She is from that generation where they don't believe is glasses or trimming their nose hairs," commented her cousin. "She won't wear glasses and her nose hairs have completely covered her eyes. She is absolutely blind. Period!"

Sadly, when OSM attempted to follow-up with Mrs. Fisherwood's relation, we learned of her accidental and untimely death via an early morning olive fork incident. For some reason, police authorities have not ruled out homicide.

Dr. Richard Scraggly, an un-biased human nose hair behaviorist, told this reporter, "those humans who refuse to cut their nose hairs and allow them to curl up and block their eyesight are notorious for their hallucination. In fact, the police should check her ear hairs also and measure it with the Human Ear Hairs For Monster Hallucinations Chart or HEHFMHC." Dr. Scraggly continued, "the woman is obviously sick and must be tranquilized immediately. I recommend hospitalization. This is my scientific diagnosis. After all, I am a doctor and a media pundit."

For this neutral reporter, the case is closed.

The olive fork is still being held for questioning.

Mr. Stubben’s Monsteritis

​Last night, Mr. Victor Stubben of Nebraska reported to police he had seen a strange beast standing in his cornfield. After some questionable methods, the FBI cajoled out of Mr. Stubben the following statement "Upon reflection, deep soul searching and pain, I now believe the creature I saw was the notorious Chupacabra."

Mr. Stubben (or as one unidentified local calls him "The Crazy Monster Seeing Man") cannot account for how he saw a five-foot mythical monster surrounded by seven-foot tall corn stalks.

Upon interviewing his neighbor Mrs. Rose Butterback, a recent victim of a horrific and fatal ostrich stampede, it was revealed to us: "Victor was always telling me about the 'aliens,' the 'aliens.' The 'aliens' are doing this...the 'aliens' are doing that. 'Help! The aliens are in my cornfield!' 'Hey, I just Elvis with a cheeseburger!' 'I like to sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star when I pluck a chicken.''" Mrs. Butterback shook her head in utter disgust and continued, "My deceased husband called him 'The General' because he liked to re-enact the Battle of Gettysburg on his roof using a banana as his 'trusty sword.' Victor is just plain nuts!"

It is obvious to this reporter Mr. Stubben enjoyed telling wild, fictional and interesting tales.

Dr. Robert (Bob) Blob-Blob, leading psychiatrist and frequent contributor to OSM chimed in with his expert, honest, unbiased and truthful opinion: "Mr. Stubben is a very sad case of Monsteritis brought upon by his purchase of a mini-van. Monsteritis suffers have no choice but to claim they have seen a scientifically unproven mythical creature. Monster images are embedded deep within their consciousness do to the trauma of a mini-van road kill encounter.." Dr. Blob-Blob sighs and then continues, "it is my unbiased opinion, Mr. Stubben must have been involve in about 1,500 road kills  It has become far too common in this great land. There are too many mini-vans. Oh, the misery..."

Indeed, it is believed by many experts such as Dr. Blob-Blob that the main cause of these recurring sightings are due to mini-van induced Monsteritis. The plethora of mini-vans has caused more trauma than guns. "Only when humans experience the misery of electric cars can the idea of monsters be eradicated from out subconscious," explained Dr. Blob-Blob.

Yes, this whole experience has been a colossal waste of time. Just think about how many goats could have been "cared for" during this incident.

Remember, we are the media and therefore you must believe what we say.

Greetings to all of you stupid humans

​Greetings to all of you stupid humans who are going to follow this blog.

I must categorically deny the existence of Chupacabras and monsters in general. However, I can guarantee you a Chupacabra would be more intelligent, powerful, spirited, wise, noble, erudite, healthy and relevant then all off the stupid humans put together. In fact, I would say if it was not for some colossal mistake in the correct evolution of natural order, Chupacabras would be ruling the world.

Ah, can you just picture it? A majestic winged creature with the sun reflecting off of his shiny green skin causing his superiorly taut muscles to shimmer while

swooping down upon some un-expecting goat. Mmmm....delicious juicy goat. One that is just right for harvesting. Mmmmm....sooo tasty. I got to go!